Change of Heart
by Kailey Hamilton
Summary: They're both acting rather strange. Sirius is hungover and suffering from the after-effects of the Cruciatus curse. Regulus dares to show his fear. In the events leading to Sirius' escape, the brothers share their first and last bonding moment. Oneshot. WARNING: Mentions and brief description of torture.


_Disclaimer:__ Recognize it? Not mine._

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**Change of Heart**

The night was clear and warm - maybe warmer than normal, or was Sirius going absolutely numb? He felt like he was freezing and boiling at the same time.

He should've known it was a matter of time when it came to the ticking bomb that was Bellatrix. He should've known she was capable of performing an Unforgivable Curse. It was the first time he'd witnessed it, and he could've been wrong, but he was almost certain that feeling such pain was impossible without the aid of the Dark Arts.

He was reading about it on his newly-acquired NEWT-level Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook, and with every sentence he read, he was more certain that he was right: _"The _Cruciatus _curse is well-known as the most intense pain a person can feel. It may leave lingering effects depending on the duration and intensity of the curse Dark Arts practitioners..."_

He wished he could tell someone, anyone, that Bellatrix's skill was worrying. The only reason he had believed that she was incapable of cursing him, was because he'd thought she lacked the skill. But she didn't.

_"Dark Arts practitioners have historically used to torture their enemies, sometimes until the point of insanity."_

He wished he could tell someone, anyone, that Bellatrix had performed an Unforgivable on him and that her place was Azkaban. Granted, she'd done it in a room full of people. But she'd also cursed him nonverbally, so he supposed everyone would be in absolute denial.

_And knowing the idiots that compose the oh-so-Noble House of Black, _he thought, _everyone will fucking pat her in the back and encourage her to do it again._

Maybe he shouldn't have showed up drunk to Narcissa's wedding. Maybe he shouldn't have said that he got there late because it was the birthday of Andromeda's little girl. Maybe he shouldn't have said that to Bellatrix, of all people.

He knew how much Bellatrix missed Andromeda. They complemented each other - Bellatrix being the untamable one, and Andromeda being the moral behind her sister's twisted idea of fun. Without Andromeda, Bellatrix didn't have any idea of how to fit into society and she'd gotten progressively crazier.

_I don't miss her_, Sirius had told her,_ because I actually go visit her._

It had felt like the right thing to say at the moment. If it wasn't, he didn't quite care. He couldn't stand them, and it felt just right to drive them mad. He couldn't stand the pretentious events and the old-fashioned customs.

He couldn't stand that they were grieving for Andromeda and pretending she was dead, instead of supporting her _like a normal family would - but we're not a normal family._

He was hoping to make Bellatrix rage, and that he had achieved. But was his insolence enough to start the venomous argument that had ensued? Was it enough for her to strike him with an Unforgivable?_ I might think not, but Bellatrix is a lost cause._

And Bellatrix had lost it in front of all the guests and cursed him in public.

All that went through him was the feeling of tiny daggers digging into his skin, ripping his skin apart and crushing his bones without mercy. It was the most intense pain he'd ever experienced, and he couldn't help but fall to his knees and scream.

And then, after he'd long lost the notion of time, it was over.

The sole thought was enough to make him blush - and he_ never_ blushed. He had decided his pride would be less wounded if he let Regulus help him get on his feet, but on a second thought, maybe he should've stayed on the floor until he could get up for himself.

But he had taken his little brother's hand and, as soon as he was up, he'd shaken him off. He searched for Bellatrix with his gaze. She was being restrained by Druella and Rodolphus.

He scoffed. He had to grudgingly admit to himself that she'd won that one, for he couldn't bring himself to summon the Dark Arts. Not even against _her_. So, wanting to have the last word, he walked straight to the bride and groom. He was conscious of the fact that all the eyes in the hall were on him, so he opted to enjoy the spotlight.

"Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy," he'd said mockingly. "My mother will probably force me to apologize to the two of you later. So I thought I'd do it now." He'd bowed exaggeratedly. "My apologies to you for dear Bella's insanity, or whatever it is that ruined your wedding."

"Go to the devil, Black," was Lucius Malfoy's response. Despite his inebriated and recently-tortured state, he could tell Narcissa was upset. But he did not care.

So maybe his exit wouldn't be grandiose, but he reckoned that it would be more sensible than further taunting Bellatrix.

"I've been to the devil, Malfoy," he replied blearily. "I can assure you he's a very dull fellow." He gestured with his head toward Bellatrix, then added: "Not actually a _fellow_, but you get what I mean. Good luck with having to put up with her."

After those words, everyone had silently watched him leave. In his haze, all that penetrated was the certainty that Bellatrix would've attacked him if she hadn't been restrained.

_"I'm going to kill you!"_ he thought he heard her yell.

He had no memory of getting home. He only knew that he woke up in his own bed what seemed like _years_ later, with burning chills that reached his every cell and a dull headache that seemed to threaten to break his skull.

_Both after-curse effects and a hangover_, he thought. _I'm not an angel, but I haven't done anything so bad that would warrant this._

Except getting drunk and bothering his cousin. _Yes, I should've known better than that. That must've been a Cruciatus, but not even Bellatrix has the skill... it can't be._

That's when he'd groggily summoned his Defence textbook to his bed. It was funny, really, that he was in denial. After reading it over and over, it was obvious that Bellatrix had used an Unforgivable on him, but he couldn't bring himself to accept the implications of that fact.

Just when he was about to go to sleep, his door opened.

He was glad it was his brother - as opposed to his mother or father - standing on the doorway, looking at him with an unreadable expression. He held a glass of water in one hand, and Sirius couldn't help but stare at it.

"Regulus, learn to knock," He said weakly.

"I thought you were sleeping." Regulus took a sip from the glass of water, but must've noticed how Sirius' eyes preyed on it because he said, "Here. Take this."

Sirius gulped the liquid down faster than he would've thought possible. Regulus let out a sheepish smile and looked around. Regulus rarely walked into Sirius' room, so he seemed to feel out of place. The Gryffindor banners seemed to mock him, and he was intentionally avoiding to look at the posters of scantily-clad _Muggle_ girls.

"You're hungover, aren't you?" Regulus asked, sitting down on Sirius' bed. _Fourteen-year-olds shouldn't know what that means_, Sirius thought, but didn't even think of denying it. "Why would you get drunk at Andromeda's daughter's birthday?"

Something was off. In his vulnerable state, it took Sirius a while to understand what. _It's the first time Regulus named Andromeda in two years._

Normally, Sirius would've told Regulus that it was none of his business. But he was too surprised and tired to care about picking fights. He knew it was also a loss of energy - Regulus chose his battles very carefully, so Sirius had long stopped seeking every opportunity to engage him in them.

"Andromeda put little Dora to bed," he said, "and we chose that moment to open a bottle of wine. I drank it almost entirely by myself, but it's okay - she understood that having to go to Narcissa's wedding afterward would only be tolerable after good amounts of alcohol."

"It was quite the nice wedding until you showed up. I'd never seen Aunt Druella's ballroom look like that."

Sirius rolled his eyes. Any sign of Regulus being anything other than an annoying little brat had vanished.

"Let me guess... I shouldn't have mentioned Andromeda to Bellatrix like that? Did Mother send you here?"

"It's three in the morning, Sirius. I came here because I heard noise."

Sirius vaguely wondered if Regulus had Kreacher spy on him. The glass of water was an indicator that he'd been awake at least five minutes prior to his appearance.

"That's odd, Regulus, because I made no noise."

Regulus didn't respond to his indirect accusation. "Bellatrix is grieving for her sister, Sirius," he said instead.

"She's insane." It was a lost cause to explain to Regulus that, if Bellatrix did care for Andromeda that much, she'd go visit her instead of pretending she'd died.

But Regulus didn't say anything. He would've normally refuted his brother's words, but now he simply sat at Sirius' feet and stared absentmindedly out the window. He looked as if he was looking for answers in the twinkling stars.

"Let's settle on both, shall we?"

"What? I thought you liked Bellatrix!" _More like idolized her._

Regulus' stare returned to his brother. There was something ominous about it that Sirius couldn't quite place.

"She's going to kill you, Sirius. I heard her say it."

"I heard it too," he said. And then he realized that it was a believable threat. He knew Bellatrix well enough to understand that she was very capable of killing. She'd already used an Unforgivable on him; she wasn't the kind that would hesitate before using another. The reasoning was off, but when it came to Bellatrix, no one ever knew.

"A death threat from Bellatrix isn't one to be taken lightly, Sirius. Everyone... everyone is quite upset. Even Aunt Druella-"

"Don't start with that! None of them lifted a single finger to stop her! Even if the adults didn't, I would've expected Malfoy or Narcissa... it was their wedding, after all. But no one did anything. Don't expect me to believe they weren't _happy_ to see me suffer!"

Regulus opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. He sighed and closed his mouth. Sirius hoped, more than ever, that Regulus would get up and leave him alone.

Regulus did indeed get up, but only to get a better look at his textbook. He let out a half-smile.

"You're so innocent, Sirius," he said patronizingly. "Of course it was the Cruciatus curse."

"How would _you_ know?"

"I know Bellatrix better than you do." He boasted, which made Sirius feel disgusted. "With Andromeda... Bellatrix is alright pretending she doesn't exist. But she will have no qualms of killing you. It could be tomorrow, or in twenty years. But she's very capable."

Sirius was smart enough to understand the implications behind those words._ It's not grief over Andromeda what made Bellatrix rage - she's serving He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and she's attempting to rid her family tree of any "dishonorable" members!_

He hated that he believed Regulus so blindly, but he couldn't help it. He was far from thinking that his little brother was dumb. Sirius often tried to detach any notion of pride from the fact that Regulus was the cleverest, most perceptive person he'd ever met.

"You're only trying to scare me, aren't you?" But deep down, he knew he wasn't. Regulus had no sense of humor, not even the malicious, cruel kind that all Blacks seemed to share.

"I only wanted to warn you. I'm not even sure if she meant it, but it's Bellatrix we're talking about here."

"I guess it would be like her to leave a threat looming over my head like that for twenty years, only to torture me with the thought of imminent death."

"Exactly. I-I might be overreacting but I think... I think that the sensible thing for you to do..." he trailed off, as if he was searching for courage to speak. "You should run away, brother. Run away, and never come back."

The suggestion startled Sirius so much, that he didn't notice the use of the word_ brother_. He hadn't doubted Regulus' words, but only when he spoke about escaping did Sirius understand that he was genuinely scared. Regulus wouldn't make such a suggestion if it wasn't imperative - his escape would devastate their mother, and Regulus wouldn't risk upsetting her unless it was a matter of life or death.

But he thought about it seriously. Running away... Of course Sirius had thought about it. In fact, he'd obsessively fantasized over the thought. His friends often told him to leave everything behind, opening their homes to him. Nothing held him back.

Then again, nothing had really pushed him forward. Running away meant, after all, leaving the only corner in the world that he called his, the comfort of having a bed to sleep in, the commodity of having house-elves that were bound to submit to his authority. Escaping would imply becoming one hundred percent destitute, and while Sirius didn't call that place a home, it was still a shelter.

Until that day. After being threatened with death by the one person absolutely capable of killing him, he didn't feel so sheltered anymore.

_It could be the scared brat being an idiot, but I won't wait to find out, _he resolved._ I've wanted this for so long, anyway... It looks like I'm running away, then._

Wordlessly, he jumped out of his bed. His painful, tired state was forgotten in favor of the need to be swift.

His trunk was wide open, nothing missing from it other than his Defence textbook. He closed the book and threw it in there without care, rummaging in his closet and choosing what he was taking. He didn't bother to fold the clothes that fell messily in the only piece of luggage he'd be taking with himself.

Getting a toothbrush, some deodorant... well, the toothbrush he could buy in the Knight Bus with the money he had left. Going to the bathroom meant risking being heard by his parents.

Regulus was simply staring.

"Go to bed," Sirius commanded. "You're still the perfect little son."

"Let me help you get that downstairs first."

Sirius could've charmed the trunk to become weightless, but a part of him liked the thought of Regulus helping him. They'd never shared such complicity, and at that moment, Sirius was too adrenaline-fueled to question it.

He couldn't shake the excitement when the thought assaulted him - _this is the last time I'll be walking down these stairs... this is the last time I'll be in this house!_ Had he not been wary of waking his parents, he would be screaming in pure euphoria.

It was only when he was out of the front door that everything came back to him. His head hurt and his whole body felt weak. His heart still beat quickly, and the enthusiasm hadn't completely vanished. But that was mixed with the pain and helplessness and the mix of emotions was too much to handle.

"Take care, alright?" Regulus whispered.

A surge of warmth rushed through Sirius. Never in his life had he felt closer to his little brother, but he pushed the thought aside. In less than ten minutes, they wouldn't be family anymore.

It was too late to make any amends, and Sirius preferred it that way.

"I'll be fine," he simply answered. "I'll be with..."

"Don't tell me," Regulus interrupted with a straight face and even voice. "I know nothing."

"Why... why are you helping me, Regulus?" Sirius couldn't help but ask. "You've never liked me."

"I..." Regulus paused, leaving his idea unspoken. "I really don't know. I can still change my mind."

"Very well then." Sirius knew what he had to do. "Good night, Regulus."

"Good night, Sirius. And good luck."

No displays of affection passed between the brothers before the front door closed between them.

The silence of the night was overwhelming. Sirius took his wand out and silently begged for the Knight Bus to be close. He felt too exposed to the calm of the night, and prayed that no_ Muggle _happened to be awake and spying.

He only felt safe again when he was in the Knight Bus, having already given James' address and having been assigned a bed. James lived near York, so the ride was supposed to be quite long. He sighed, knowing that lying down in the bed wasn't the smartest choice, but he was so worn out that he didn't care. It wasn't like he had another option.

He should be gleeful that he'd finally gathered the courage to run away, but after such an eventful day, his thoughts were racing.

His thoughts were on Regulus.

_He was acting weird tonight_, Sirius concluded. _Just why would he help me?_

He pictured his face when he told Sirius that Bellatrix had threatened to kill him. Regulus wasn't one to show emotion, but right then he'd looked terrified.

_Maybe the brat did love me, after all, and was genuinely trying to protect me._ But the thought seemed too incoherent. They were too different for love to exist between them. Sirius knew better than to pretend family ties implied fraternal love - surely someone as smart as Regulus would've figured it out as well.

_No, he's not trying to protect me. He's always been jealous. I have more friends, I get better grades, I get more girls. He won't have to put up with me anymore and he took the opportunity..._

But they would still meet at Hogwarts, so that wasn't it.

_Maybe he was tired of Mother keeping an eye on me all the time. But that's exactly why he gets away with everything! It doesn't make sense. Then again, little Reggie has always felt the need to be the perfect little son to get her attention and her praise..._

It was true that Regulus had always sought to outdo him, to prove himself better in the eyes of everyone.

But in the end, it was Regulus the one with tears in his eyes while their mother watched over her shoulder, probably muttering something about children games taken too far. Sirius scoffed, hearing the words in his mind:_"Druella, dear, you better take control of your Bella. Oh, right - she's married. She shouldn't need controlling at this point."_

And while the adults did nothing, Regulus was the one to run to his writhing body, begging Bellatrix to lift the curse.

_That's too noble to be Regulus, isn't it? _Sirius laughed mirthlessly. _No, he doesn't love me. He never has, and he never will. But even _he _can believe that Bellatrix crossed a line._ Yes, that seemed like a perfectly acceptable explanation. _I'll just accept that he had a momentary change of heart._

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_Notes:__ Yes, I know it's a bit unexpected that Sirius wouldn't know exactly what a Cruciatus curse looks like in real life, but I don't find it so far-fetched (in my headcanon, when under a non-Death Eater professor, the Unforgivables are NEWT-level stuff.) I wanted him to show innocence, and I wanted Regulus to know about this while he does not. So yeah._

_This is for the following competitions: The Hunger Games Fanfic Style Competition. (Prompts used: dialogue, weapon, pairing, class and emotion - in Finnick Odair's honor, as always.) The Title Swap Competition (Title: Change of Heart. Character: Sirius Black.) And lastly, the Gone With the Wind Quote Competition (Quote: "My pet, I've been to the Devil and he's a very dull fellow.")_

_Thanks to **autumn midnights** for beta-reading this! (She's awesome, guys. Believe it.)_

_And thank you, reader!_

_-Karyn._


End file.
